Okay, you know how some ladies after watching a chick flick think to themselves, “Gosh golly, why can’t I meet a guy who will sweep me off my feet, build me a house and be madly in love with me forever and blah blah blah. Oh yeah, because my life sucks.”

Tonight I had that moment after watching Underworld. Well, it was more like, “Why can’t I be the unique offspring of a vampire Death Dealer and a Lycan hybrid? Oh yeah, because my life sucks.” All I want in life is to be a vicious, impressive killing machine, but apparently that is asking for too much. Curse this cruel world.